I just changed my Facebook status. As I am packing, I am crying. I said that you could say that I am packing up my tears. As a United Methodist pastor, the reality is that we move. We say goodbye to one ministry field and hello to another. It is truly a time of grief and excitement. today, I want to talk about the grief as I leave Bay UMC.
It seems as if everything I am packing brings about a memory of something that has happened during my ministry in Bay. And when the memory comes, so do the tears. They are tears of joy mixed with tears of grief. I am the worst at keeping little momentos of things. So, when I came across something I kept from Youth 2007, I remembered my trip to North Carolina in which I drove one of the two vehicles that transported kids and adults. The other adult in my car was a wonderful woman named Dee. She was another single mom. We got to know each other so well on our trip. We laughed sometimes so hard, it was difficult to drive. We shared so much in our discussion. She began to feel more like a sister than anything. In October of 2008 on a sunny Sunday morning, Dee was out for her regular jog before church. She was hit by a car when the driver was blinded by the sunlight. Dee, who was in her early 40s, didn't survive the accident. She died a few days afterwards surrounded by her three daughters and other family members. I remember having to walk into the waiting room where probably 50 or more family members were gathered. I stepped off the elevator and had to tell them that Dee had died. This was the most difficult thing I think I had ever had to do in my ministry. That memory has caused a flood of emotions today.
When you have faced life and death issues with families, you have a bond that is far greater than one can imagine. Then to have to say goodbye to the families that you have loved in the midst of their joys and sadnesses, the feelings can be overwhelming.
How can a pastor experience grief as they leave one place and joy/excitement as they move to a new mission field in their ministry? It is difficult, but pastors have been doing this for years. We have to grieve. We have to mourn the loss that we are experiencing, embrace it, and continue to love in the midst of it. We have to cry, express our loss, and pray for the continued strength each and every day. It is a loss for us, as well as for the church. We all have to allow time to express the loss we are feeling. We have to be able to say our goodbyes. I think it speaks volumes about the church we are leaving when we experience sadness and grief. It says, "this is a great congregation. This is a congregation that loves and has been loved." How will I say goodbye to babies I have baptized, to families I have loved in the worst of situations, to youth who have left notes on my office door, to children who have colored pictures for me, to everyone? How will I say goodbye? I will say it with love, and with tears.
As I pack my boxes, filled with memories, my tears fall. Teardrops land upon the items in the box. I seal the box and move on to the next. I am literally packing up my tears. I did state that if my things are wet when I unpack them, that I will be unpacking my tears. but when I unpack those tears, the time for grieving will be over. The time for tears of joy will begin. My grieving must be done in the next two and a half months. My tears must flow in order to move on to the next thing that God has for me.
When I arrived in Bay, I was greated by a wonderful group of people that I did not know, all who were waiting for me at my new home. They unloaded my moving van, brought us food, and welcomed us. I arrived with tears flowing because of the outpouring of love. As I leave, I will leave with my own tears of love flowing because of who the people at Bay UMC are. They are wonderful children of God who have allowed me to make mistakes, be a person, be their pastor, be their friend, and be a part of their family. I love you all so much. I will miss you. I will grieve for you, but I know that whoever comes after me will love you just as much, if not more. You are a wonderful congregation. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives for the last four years. You will always be loved by me, even when I am no longer here in Bay.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Life of an Itinerate Pastor (and family) in the UMC
I have decided to use my blog to chronicle my upcoming move as a pastor in the United Methodist Church. I will used this to talk about the things that we face, the difficulties, the sadnesses, the joys, and the activities. It is a bittersweet time as we face goodbyes with a congregation we love and look forward to hellos with a new congregation.
I grew up as a military brat. My dad was a career Naval officer. This means that we were moving every two or three years. I am not a stranger to the lifestyle of moving when someone higher up says it is time to move. I grew up in it and am comfortable with it. I also understand, then, the issues that my 16 year old daughter faces. There is a mixture of contradictory emotions that have to be acknowledged. You know you are moving away from a place that has truly become home. At the same time, you are excited about the possibilities that a new place brings. The emotions become somewhat of a rollercoaster and neither emotion can win out over another.
We have just begun sharing with my current congregation that I will be moving to a new ministry location. I love my congregation in Bay, Arkansas. I have shared joys and sadnesses with them. Bay has truly become my home. When I return to my "home" where I grew up, I look forward to returning to Bay because it is my home. As I look at the next 2 1/2 months to come, I can't help but begin to mourn the loss before I even move. I am leaving a great church and community. I really feel that I am a part of the family here in Bay. How can I walk into worship every Sunday without my organist, without my choir, without the faces of those I love, without the children that I have had the priviledge of baptizing, without my church family? How can I even begin to imagine what this next stage will be when I am already mourning this loss?
At the same time, I find that I am excited at a new stage in my ministry. New possibilities, new faces, new worship styles, new everything. I am excited that I will be an associate pastor working with a wonderful senior pastor who will not only be my senior pastor, but a mentor and friend. I am excited about a new community in which to begin outreach and mission. I am excited about the newness of it all. But in the midst of this excitement is that ever looming grief.
We began packing. We had just unpacked our new dishes. But instead of using them, we have packed them back up. We looked around and discovered we have way too much stuff. So we are downsizing. We are getting rid of things that we really don't need. Why do we have so much stuff? Look out Good Will, Salvation Army and Abilities Unlimited, we have a lot of stuff to donate to you because I really don't think I am going to have a yard sale again. Too much of a hassle, although we may change our minds since the thought of having a little extra cash for the move is a little enticing.
My daughter has already checked out the schools that she could be attending. We have to pick between two high schools. Time for me to look at remediation rates and other statistics, the educational offerings, and, of course, the softball and volleyball programs. Which school? Don't know yet. More on that when we decide.
So, today is the beginning. Be looking for more to come.
I grew up as a military brat. My dad was a career Naval officer. This means that we were moving every two or three years. I am not a stranger to the lifestyle of moving when someone higher up says it is time to move. I grew up in it and am comfortable with it. I also understand, then, the issues that my 16 year old daughter faces. There is a mixture of contradictory emotions that have to be acknowledged. You know you are moving away from a place that has truly become home. At the same time, you are excited about the possibilities that a new place brings. The emotions become somewhat of a rollercoaster and neither emotion can win out over another.
We have just begun sharing with my current congregation that I will be moving to a new ministry location. I love my congregation in Bay, Arkansas. I have shared joys and sadnesses with them. Bay has truly become my home. When I return to my "home" where I grew up, I look forward to returning to Bay because it is my home. As I look at the next 2 1/2 months to come, I can't help but begin to mourn the loss before I even move. I am leaving a great church and community. I really feel that I am a part of the family here in Bay. How can I walk into worship every Sunday without my organist, without my choir, without the faces of those I love, without the children that I have had the priviledge of baptizing, without my church family? How can I even begin to imagine what this next stage will be when I am already mourning this loss?
At the same time, I find that I am excited at a new stage in my ministry. New possibilities, new faces, new worship styles, new everything. I am excited that I will be an associate pastor working with a wonderful senior pastor who will not only be my senior pastor, but a mentor and friend. I am excited about a new community in which to begin outreach and mission. I am excited about the newness of it all. But in the midst of this excitement is that ever looming grief.
We began packing. We had just unpacked our new dishes. But instead of using them, we have packed them back up. We looked around and discovered we have way too much stuff. So we are downsizing. We are getting rid of things that we really don't need. Why do we have so much stuff? Look out Good Will, Salvation Army and Abilities Unlimited, we have a lot of stuff to donate to you because I really don't think I am going to have a yard sale again. Too much of a hassle, although we may change our minds since the thought of having a little extra cash for the move is a little enticing.
My daughter has already checked out the schools that she could be attending. We have to pick between two high schools. Time for me to look at remediation rates and other statistics, the educational offerings, and, of course, the softball and volleyball programs. Which school? Don't know yet. More on that when we decide.
So, today is the beginning. Be looking for more to come.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Upcoming sermon
My two sermons will focus on how we can use Social Networking within the church. Jesus was all about relationships. Can Social Networking be used for making disciples? I think it can. Send me your thoughts on this.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Never Forget... Sermon, July 26, 2009
John 6:1-15 (NRSV)
1 After this Jesus went to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, also called the Sea of Tiberias. 2 A large crowd kept following him, because they saw the signs that he was doing for the sick. 3 Jesus went up the mountain and sat down there with his disciples. 4 Now the Passover, the festival of the Jews, was near. 5 When he looked up and saw a large crowd coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, "Where are we to buy bread for these people to eat?" 6 He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he was going to do. 7 Philip answered him, "Six months' wages would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little." 8 One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to him, 9 "There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish. But what are they among so many people?" 10 Jesus said, "Make the people sit down." Now there was a great deal of grass in the place; so they sat down, about five thousand in all. 11 Then Jesus took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; so also the fish, as much as they wanted. 12 When they were satisfied, he told his disciples, "Gather up the fragments left over, so that nothing may be lost." 13 So they gathered them up, and from the fragments of the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten, they filled twelve baskets. 14 When the people saw the sign that he had done, they began to say, "This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world." 15 When Jesus realized that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, he withdrew again to the mountain by himself.
I have been hearing and reading these passages since I was a young child. I remember hearing in Sunday School about the little boy who gave up his lunch so that 5000 people could be fed. I remember being amazed at this and the fact that Jesus was able to turn so little food into so much. I remember, as so many of you do as well. I can tell you this story by heart, it is so familiar to me.
But as I sat down to read it again, I found something else, something that isn’t about the loaves and the fishes.
Listen again to the passage, this time putting the miracle part of it to the back of your mind and searching for the new message.
READ SCRIPTURE AGAIN.
Maybe you didn’t hear what I heard. But it jumped out at me. The disciples seem to forget who Jesus is.
Jesus asks Philip, “Where are we going to be able to buy enough bread for all of these people to eat?”
It was a pop quiz for Philip.
I read this again, thinking, “surely Philip could have gotten this one right. Surely he could have said, “I know that you will take care of their needs, Lord.”
But no, Philip fails the pop quiz and says how even if they had six months income to use, they wouldn’t even have enough to give them just a little. Poor Philip, all he had to do was remember who was asking the question.
Andrew comes along and jumps in. He has found a boy with five loaves of bread and two fish. When you read that, you can’t help but hold out hope that Andrew has remembered who Jesus is and what he has been doing.
But then,Andrew says that even that isn’t anything when there are so many people to feed. Poor Andrew,
He just doesn’t get it either. All he had to do was remember who Jesus was.
In order for us to understand the significance of the faux pas that each of the disciples seems to be making, lets look back just a little. According to the Gospel of John, Jesus (in the first chapter) calls Andrew, Simon Peter, Philip and Nathanael as his first disciples. This means that Philip and Andrew, the two who seemed to forget who Jesus was, these two disciples had been there from the very beginning. They were part of the first four disciples, before there were 12. Philip and Andrew had seen everything that Jesus had done.
They saw the water turned into wine at the wedding at Cana.
They saw Jesus as he turned the temple upside down and inside out.
They saw how he did not fear standing up to the religious authorities.
They had heard of all that he shared with Nicodemus.
Philip and Andrew had forgotten what Jesus had been sharing with the crowds who would follow him and how he spoke with authority.
They didn’t seem to remember that it was Jesus who took the time to show kindness to a Samaritan woman, spoke to her and offered to her a new life.
They seemed to have forgotten that Jesus was the one who had healed the ill son of a royal official.
He healed the man who had laid by one of the pools in Jerusalem who had been there for 38 years, waiting for his chance to be healed in the water.
The disciples had seen all of this and more, but still, when Jesus presents them with the opportunity to show how they remember all that he has done and anticipate all that he will do, they can’t don’t do it. They didn’t remember.
These men who had been with them from the very beginning of his ministry, they didn’t seem to remember who they were talking with.
So, once again, Jesus had to show them who he was by taking the loaves and fish and giving them to the people.
In the end, what was left over was 12 baskets, essentially one basketful of reminders for each disciple. Reminders about who he was and what he could do. The disciples had forgotten that this man Jesus who they followed was not an ordinary man. He was the son of God, the messiah, the fulfillment of prophecy and scriptures. They had forgotten that he is the one who had come to save them from their sins.
And this brings us to today. We have become too much like the disciples in this passage. We have become the ones who seem to have forgotten. We have become the ones who seem to stand there and say that we don’t have enough to take care of the needs for this or that. We say that what we have isn’t nearly enough. We forget that what we are doing is for God. We forget that through the power of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, miracles can happen. Miracles will happen. Lives will be transformed.
Why is it that today, in our world, we have forgotten the importance of who Jesus was and is? Why is it that we have forgotten to trust that God will shine through in every situation? Why have we forgotten? Why?
When the mountain stands in front of us, we look at it and see an obstacle, not an opportunity. When those in need are calling us, we see a burden on society, not an opportunity. When a family moves into our community,
why aren’t we the first people at their doors? Have we forgotten the wonderful works of Jesus Christ? Sometimes it feels like we have. Sometimes it feels like we try to find the obstacles and not the opportunities.
We want to build a building. That takes money. Is it an obstacle or an opportunity? We have to invest time, energy and money into building our children and youth programs. Is it an obstacle or an opportunity? We have opportunities all around, but we go looking for the obstacles, just as the disciples did as they forgot who Jesus was.
Five thousand people were hungry… obstacle or opportunity? Only five loaves and two fish…obstacle or opportunity? Fifty percent of our community do not attend a church…obstacle or opportunity? We have a building that sits empty most of the week…obstacle or opportunity? Many youth and young adults today do not find traditional worship spiritually moving and want to see new things in worship…obstacle or opportunity? You are needed to give earnestly of your time and your talents to God, obstacle or opportunity?
Never forget who Jesus Christ was and is. Never forget that in Christ, obstacles are really opportunities in disguise. If you forget, all you will see is obstacles. If you remember, you will see opportunities and find that your faith and trust in Jesus Christ will grow more than it ever has.
Never forget. Always remember.
©2009, Angie Gage
1 After this Jesus went to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, also called the Sea of Tiberias. 2 A large crowd kept following him, because they saw the signs that he was doing for the sick. 3 Jesus went up the mountain and sat down there with his disciples. 4 Now the Passover, the festival of the Jews, was near. 5 When he looked up and saw a large crowd coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, "Where are we to buy bread for these people to eat?" 6 He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he was going to do. 7 Philip answered him, "Six months' wages would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little." 8 One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to him, 9 "There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish. But what are they among so many people?" 10 Jesus said, "Make the people sit down." Now there was a great deal of grass in the place; so they sat down, about five thousand in all. 11 Then Jesus took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated; so also the fish, as much as they wanted. 12 When they were satisfied, he told his disciples, "Gather up the fragments left over, so that nothing may be lost." 13 So they gathered them up, and from the fragments of the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten, they filled twelve baskets. 14 When the people saw the sign that he had done, they began to say, "This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world." 15 When Jesus realized that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, he withdrew again to the mountain by himself.
I have been hearing and reading these passages since I was a young child. I remember hearing in Sunday School about the little boy who gave up his lunch so that 5000 people could be fed. I remember being amazed at this and the fact that Jesus was able to turn so little food into so much. I remember, as so many of you do as well. I can tell you this story by heart, it is so familiar to me.
But as I sat down to read it again, I found something else, something that isn’t about the loaves and the fishes.
Listen again to the passage, this time putting the miracle part of it to the back of your mind and searching for the new message.
READ SCRIPTURE AGAIN.
Maybe you didn’t hear what I heard. But it jumped out at me. The disciples seem to forget who Jesus is.
Jesus asks Philip, “Where are we going to be able to buy enough bread for all of these people to eat?”
It was a pop quiz for Philip.
I read this again, thinking, “surely Philip could have gotten this one right. Surely he could have said, “I know that you will take care of their needs, Lord.”
But no, Philip fails the pop quiz and says how even if they had six months income to use, they wouldn’t even have enough to give them just a little. Poor Philip, all he had to do was remember who was asking the question.
Andrew comes along and jumps in. He has found a boy with five loaves of bread and two fish. When you read that, you can’t help but hold out hope that Andrew has remembered who Jesus is and what he has been doing.
But then,Andrew says that even that isn’t anything when there are so many people to feed. Poor Andrew,
He just doesn’t get it either. All he had to do was remember who Jesus was.
In order for us to understand the significance of the faux pas that each of the disciples seems to be making, lets look back just a little. According to the Gospel of John, Jesus (in the first chapter) calls Andrew, Simon Peter, Philip and Nathanael as his first disciples. This means that Philip and Andrew, the two who seemed to forget who Jesus was, these two disciples had been there from the very beginning. They were part of the first four disciples, before there were 12. Philip and Andrew had seen everything that Jesus had done.
They saw the water turned into wine at the wedding at Cana.
They saw Jesus as he turned the temple upside down and inside out.
They saw how he did not fear standing up to the religious authorities.
They had heard of all that he shared with Nicodemus.
Philip and Andrew had forgotten what Jesus had been sharing with the crowds who would follow him and how he spoke with authority.
They didn’t seem to remember that it was Jesus who took the time to show kindness to a Samaritan woman, spoke to her and offered to her a new life.
They seemed to have forgotten that Jesus was the one who had healed the ill son of a royal official.
He healed the man who had laid by one of the pools in Jerusalem who had been there for 38 years, waiting for his chance to be healed in the water.
The disciples had seen all of this and more, but still, when Jesus presents them with the opportunity to show how they remember all that he has done and anticipate all that he will do, they can’t don’t do it. They didn’t remember.
These men who had been with them from the very beginning of his ministry, they didn’t seem to remember who they were talking with.
So, once again, Jesus had to show them who he was by taking the loaves and fish and giving them to the people.
In the end, what was left over was 12 baskets, essentially one basketful of reminders for each disciple. Reminders about who he was and what he could do. The disciples had forgotten that this man Jesus who they followed was not an ordinary man. He was the son of God, the messiah, the fulfillment of prophecy and scriptures. They had forgotten that he is the one who had come to save them from their sins.
And this brings us to today. We have become too much like the disciples in this passage. We have become the ones who seem to have forgotten. We have become the ones who seem to stand there and say that we don’t have enough to take care of the needs for this or that. We say that what we have isn’t nearly enough. We forget that what we are doing is for God. We forget that through the power of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, miracles can happen. Miracles will happen. Lives will be transformed.
Why is it that today, in our world, we have forgotten the importance of who Jesus was and is? Why is it that we have forgotten to trust that God will shine through in every situation? Why have we forgotten? Why?
When the mountain stands in front of us, we look at it and see an obstacle, not an opportunity. When those in need are calling us, we see a burden on society, not an opportunity. When a family moves into our community,
why aren’t we the first people at their doors? Have we forgotten the wonderful works of Jesus Christ? Sometimes it feels like we have. Sometimes it feels like we try to find the obstacles and not the opportunities.
We want to build a building. That takes money. Is it an obstacle or an opportunity? We have to invest time, energy and money into building our children and youth programs. Is it an obstacle or an opportunity? We have opportunities all around, but we go looking for the obstacles, just as the disciples did as they forgot who Jesus was.
Five thousand people were hungry… obstacle or opportunity? Only five loaves and two fish…obstacle or opportunity? Fifty percent of our community do not attend a church…obstacle or opportunity? We have a building that sits empty most of the week…obstacle or opportunity? Many youth and young adults today do not find traditional worship spiritually moving and want to see new things in worship…obstacle or opportunity? You are needed to give earnestly of your time and your talents to God, obstacle or opportunity?
Never forget who Jesus Christ was and is. Never forget that in Christ, obstacles are really opportunities in disguise. If you forget, all you will see is obstacles. If you remember, you will see opportunities and find that your faith and trust in Jesus Christ will grow more than it ever has.
Never forget. Always remember.
©2009, Angie Gage
Thursday, July 23, 2009
My First Post
I decided to create a blogsite after having conversations of Facebook with two other clergywomen. Although we weren't talking about a blogsite, it was the inspiration. Who knows what I will use this for. Maybe it will include my sermons or just my thoughts.
Anyway, this is the beginning of a new journey in the every growing world wide web. I hope you enjoy.
Anyway, this is the beginning of a new journey in the every growing world wide web. I hope you enjoy.
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