Life of an Itinerate Pastor, part 2

I just changed my Facebook status. As I am packing, I am crying. I said that you could say that I am packing up my tears. As a United Methodist pastor, the reality is that we move. We say goodbye to one ministry field and hello to another. It is truly a time of grief and excitement. today, I want to talk about the grief as I leave Bay UMC.

It seems as if everything I am packing brings about a memory of something that has happened during my ministry in Bay. And when the memory comes, so do the tears. They are tears of joy mixed with tears of grief. I am the worst at keeping little momentos of things. So, when I came across something I kept from Youth 2007, I remembered my trip to North Carolina in which I drove one of the two vehicles that transported kids and adults. The other adult in my car was a wonderful woman named Dee. She was another single mom. We got to know each other so well on our trip. We laughed sometimes so hard, it was difficult to drive. We shared so much in our discussion. She began to feel more like a sister than anything. In October of 2008 on a sunny Sunday morning, Dee was out for her regular jog before church. She was hit by a car when the driver was blinded by the sunlight. Dee, who was in her early 40s, didn't survive the accident. She died a few days afterwards surrounded by her three daughters and other family members. I remember having to walk into the waiting room where probably 50 or more family members were gathered. I stepped off the elevator and had to tell them that Dee had died. This was the most difficult thing I think I had ever had to do in my ministry. That memory has caused a flood of emotions today.

When you have faced life and death issues with families, you have a bond that is far greater than one can imagine. Then to have to say goodbye to the families that you have loved in the midst of their joys and sadnesses, the feelings can be overwhelming.

How can a pastor experience grief as they leave one place and joy/excitement as they move to a new mission field in their ministry? It is difficult, but pastors have been doing this for years. We have to grieve. We have to mourn the loss that we are experiencing, embrace it, and continue to love in the midst of it. We have to cry, express our loss, and pray for the continued strength each and every day. It is a loss for us, as well as for the church. We all have to allow time to express the loss we are feeling. We have to be able to say our goodbyes. I think it speaks volumes about the church we are leaving when we experience sadness and grief. It says, "this is a great congregation. This is a congregation that loves and has been loved." How will I say goodbye to babies I have baptized, to families I have loved in the worst of situations, to youth who have left notes on my office door, to children who have colored pictures for me, to everyone? How will I say goodbye? I will say it with love, and with tears.

As I pack my boxes, filled with memories, my tears fall. Teardrops land upon the items in the box. I seal the box and move on to the next. I am literally packing up my tears. I did state that if my things are wet when I unpack them, that I will be unpacking my tears. but when I unpack those tears, the time for grieving will be over. The time for tears of joy will begin. My grieving must be done in the next two and a half months. My tears must flow in order to move on to the next thing that God has for me.

When I arrived in Bay, I was greated by a wonderful group of people that I did not know, all who were waiting for me at my new home. They unloaded my moving van, brought us food, and welcomed us. I arrived with tears flowing because of the outpouring of love. As I leave, I will leave with my own tears of love flowing because of who the people at Bay UMC are. They are wonderful children of God who have allowed me to make mistakes, be a person, be their pastor, be their friend, and be a part of their family. I love you all so much. I will miss you. I will grieve for you, but I know that whoever comes after me will love you just as much, if not more. You are a wonderful congregation. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives for the last four years. You will always be loved by me, even when I am no longer here in Bay.

Life of an Itinerate Pastor (and family) in the UMC

I have decided to use my blog to chronicle my upcoming move as a pastor in the United Methodist Church. I will used this to talk about the things that we face, the difficulties, the sadnesses, the joys, and the activities. It is a bittersweet time as we face goodbyes with a congregation we love and look forward to hellos with a new congregation.

I grew up as a military brat. My dad was a career Naval officer. This means that we were moving every two or three years. I am not a stranger to the lifestyle of moving when someone higher up says it is time to move. I grew up in it and am comfortable with it. I also understand, then, the issues that my 16 year old daughter faces. There is a mixture of contradictory emotions that have to be acknowledged. You know you are moving away from a place that has truly become home. At the same time, you are excited about the possibilities that a new place brings. The emotions become somewhat of a rollercoaster and neither emotion can win out over another.

We have just begun sharing with my current congregation that I will be moving to a new ministry location. I love my congregation in Bay, Arkansas. I have shared joys and sadnesses with them. Bay has truly become my home. When I return to my "home" where I grew up, I look forward to returning to Bay because it is my home. As I look at the next 2 1/2 months to come, I can't help but begin to mourn the loss before I even move. I am leaving a great church and community. I really feel that I am a part of the family here in Bay. How can I walk into worship every Sunday without my organist, without my choir, without the faces of those I love, without the children that I have had the priviledge of baptizing, without my church family? How can I even begin to imagine what this next stage will be when I am already mourning this loss?

At the same time, I find that I am excited at a new stage in my ministry. New possibilities, new faces, new worship styles, new everything. I am excited that I will be an associate pastor working with a wonderful senior pastor who will not only be my senior pastor, but a mentor and friend. I am excited about a new community in which to begin outreach and mission. I am excited about the newness of it all. But in the midst of this excitement is that ever looming grief.

We began packing. We had just unpacked our new dishes. But instead of using them, we have packed them back up. We looked around and discovered we have way too much stuff. So we are downsizing. We are getting rid of things that we really don't need. Why do we have so much stuff? Look out Good Will, Salvation Army and Abilities Unlimited, we have a lot of stuff to donate to you because I really don't think I am going to have a yard sale again. Too much of a hassle, although we may change our minds since the thought of having a little extra cash for the move is a little enticing.

My daughter has already checked out the schools that she could be attending. We have to pick between two high schools. Time for me to look at remediation rates and other statistics, the educational offerings, and, of course, the softball and volleyball programs. Which school? Don't know yet. More on that when we decide.

So, today is the beginning. Be looking for more to come.